Happy Birthday to Me

I've always tried to make it seem like my birthday was never a big deal, but really it is. I like everyone acknowledging the fact that it's my day. I like that I have one day out of the year where it's pretty much guaranteed that my dad's going to be nice, what I want for dinner is a big deal, and everything is focused on me. Throughout the rest of the year I kind of just blend into the woodwork, I don't really matter. But then that one day rolls around I get phone calls from people that don't call for months and everyone is nice. I wish it could be like this the rest of the year. But, it's not. So sadly as soon as my special day is over I will fade away again until next year.

Cancer Update

I talked to my stepmom last night.

She's not on chemo for the week. They switched her back to radiation. After the week on radiation they'll do more tests. Depending on what the tests say she'll either start round two of chemo or she'll stay on radiation.

I'm starting to get the feeling that this is more serious than my dad originally let on. I mean cancer is ALWAYS serious, but it's obviously worse than last time (when she just had radiation). And I talked to my sister the other day and SHE told me that mom told her that the cancer was in her chest wall, which is NOT what my dad told me.

I don't know. I just hope that she doesn't have to do more chemo.

And I really hope I don't lose her. I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach and it scares the s**t outta me.

Updates

Hey ladies, I know I haven't written in a while but there just hasn't been a whole lot going on.

I just got over a stomach virus. I've decided that I'm holing myself up in the house for a while, because it seems everything I visit friends I end up sick again...lol

I'm doing good on the weight loss front. I've lost nine pounds in the past three weeks!!

I started my new classes last week and I'm loving them. I didn't get the best grades in my last two classes. But, I passed, they're over and done with so I'm not sweating it.

I haven't told J that I'm starting to doubt that we should try and have a baby right now. I've been on the fence with this for a while. I've got the bills back in order and the hubby's spending habits back in order and by the time he comes home I'll have a few big ticket items paid off. I'm just so scared that once we do get pregnant that something will happen and we'll not be able to afford a baby. I'm also scared of having to raise the baby by myself because of J never being home. I just don't know what to do, because we both want a baby so badly. So I'm still sitting here debating it. I have time, he won't be home for a few more months.

My cousin is coming down at the end of March!! I'm excited she's finally coming. She was suppose to be here in January and then it turned into February and now it's the end of March. But it'll give me something to do before J comes home. A week after she leaves my mother in law will be here so I'll be plenty busy.

I think that's about it!!

Fur Babies

Okay, just want to add a little happiness to my page so everyone look at my puppies and say AWW!!! Lol

No Babies for Me

Ok, so this is not going to be a positive post, but I am so frustrated with life I need to get everything off my chest.

First off I'm sick. No biggie normally but I've been sick off and on for TWO WEEKS now. It seems like every time I get better something else hits me. Uggh!!!! My friend thinks I have strep (this week it's been my throat and I started losing my voice last night and today) and so I made a doctor's appointment so she'd leave me alone. If you don't remember, I hate doctor's, I'm terrified to go to doctor's. Hopefully I feel fine by Monday and I can cancel it.

Ok, onto my BIG rant. I have decided that I am done with the whole TTC process. When J got back from deployment we were going to start plugging away again, right?? Well my stupid husband has spent ALL our money on this STUPID deployment so I've decided that if we can barely support ourselves, how in the heck are we going to be able to support a baby. My friend V actually put it in a good way. She said "Megan you can't have a baby when you're taking care of a baby right now." She was talking about my husband and he is like taking care of a little kid. It drives me up the WALL!!!

I guess it's better this way anyways. It would have been like I was a single parent because he's NEVER going to be home.

Okay I have to put something positive. I lost 2.4 pounds the first week I started doing Weight Watchers again. YEAY!!