Updates

Hey ladies, I know I haven't written in a while but there just hasn't been a whole lot going on.

I just got over a stomach virus. I've decided that I'm holing myself up in the house for a while, because it seems everything I visit friends I end up sick again...lol

I'm doing good on the weight loss front. I've lost nine pounds in the past three weeks!!

I started my new classes last week and I'm loving them. I didn't get the best grades in my last two classes. But, I passed, they're over and done with so I'm not sweating it.

I haven't told J that I'm starting to doubt that we should try and have a baby right now. I've been on the fence with this for a while. I've got the bills back in order and the hubby's spending habits back in order and by the time he comes home I'll have a few big ticket items paid off. I'm just so scared that once we do get pregnant that something will happen and we'll not be able to afford a baby. I'm also scared of having to raise the baby by myself because of J never being home. I just don't know what to do, because we both want a baby so badly. So I'm still sitting here debating it. I have time, he won't be home for a few more months.

My cousin is coming down at the end of March!! I'm excited she's finally coming. She was suppose to be here in January and then it turned into February and now it's the end of March. But it'll give me something to do before J comes home. A week after she leaves my mother in law will be here so I'll be plenty busy.

I think that's about it!!

Fur Babies

Okay, just want to add a little happiness to my page so everyone look at my puppies and say AWW!!! Lol

No Babies for Me

Ok, so this is not going to be a positive post, but I am so frustrated with life I need to get everything off my chest.

First off I'm sick. No biggie normally but I've been sick off and on for TWO WEEKS now. It seems like every time I get better something else hits me. Uggh!!!! My friend thinks I have strep (this week it's been my throat and I started losing my voice last night and today) and so I made a doctor's appointment so she'd leave me alone. If you don't remember, I hate doctor's, I'm terrified to go to doctor's. Hopefully I feel fine by Monday and I can cancel it.

Ok, onto my BIG rant. I have decided that I am done with the whole TTC process. When J got back from deployment we were going to start plugging away again, right?? Well my stupid husband has spent ALL our money on this STUPID deployment so I've decided that if we can barely support ourselves, how in the heck are we going to be able to support a baby. My friend V actually put it in a good way. She said "Megan you can't have a baby when you're taking care of a baby right now." She was talking about my husband and he is like taking care of a little kid. It drives me up the WALL!!!

I guess it's better this way anyways. It would have been like I was a single parent because he's NEVER going to be home.

Okay I have to put something positive. I lost 2.4 pounds the first week I started doing Weight Watchers again. YEAY!!

Postive Thoughts

My posts have been downers lately and I hate the negative turn my life has seem to taken. I was always the eternal optimist, trying to find the good in EVERYTHING and now all that seems to flow out of my fingertips is the bad news. So for the next week anything I write is going to be cheery and if it isn't call me on it. So lets see, what good things have been happening?

1. My birthday is in less than a month!!!!!! I love my birthday and this year we're eating pizza. I LOVE PIZZA it's my FAVORITE food EVER!!!!

2. Even though the hubby is off to sea I have people to spend Valentine's Day with. A few friends, with kids in tow, and I are going to one of my favorite restaurants in Jacksonville.

3. I have lost like five pounds since I left my mom's a few weeks ago!!! YEAY!!!!

4. I'm starting two new classes on the 9th. One of them is an Education class, so I'm finally getting into my classes for my major which is awesome. And that means no more English classes, double yeay!!! (English is not my forte)

5. February is the shortest month of the year which means we'll get through it faster and get into March. March is the month before J comes back so that's exciting.

6. J comes back in less than 80 days. We started off with 218 so that's amazing to be under 80.

7. I get to go see my niece again in a few months

Ok, I can go on and on and on. I'm going to make it a point of saying positive things and thinking positive thoughts.

Update

I got an email from my step mom today. She had pneumonia while she was doing radiation so the radiation didn't do what it was suppose to. So the next step...chemotherapy.

I'm devastated...

Everyone keep her in your prayers please

Miscarriage

Two days before I left OKC to come back home my mom and I went out shopping to try to find her some more nice outfits that she could wear to her site visits (my mom is in pharmacy school and they have to go to different pharmacies to get different pharmacy experiences). As we pulled into the parking lot of the shopping center her phone rang.

I could only hear her side of the conversation but after a few minutes of listening I knew who she was talking to and who they were talking about and my heart sunk.

After my mom got off the phone I didn't even give her a chance to tell me what happened.

"K had a miscarriage."

She didn't even have to tell me I knew.

My cousin was pregnant with her second child. I guess when she hit 10 or 11 weeks the baby stopped growing. 3 weeks later my cousin started bleeding and so her mom took her to the emergency room where they told her she had lost the baby.

I actually wrote about this cousin back in November. She already has one baby who is nine months old and for a long time she was on welfare. She's a wonderful mother to her son but I didn't feel she was prepared to have another.

I cried the day I found out she lost her baby. I felt horrible because I held ill feelings towards her because I felt it wasn't fair. We try so hard to have a baby and my cousin is a "fertile mertile." She's one of my best friends and I was MAD at her for not being more careful.

So I cried for not being more supportive and being selfish by wallowing in my self pity longer than I should have.

Chained to the apartment??

Ugh I got another email from my husband today. That stupid j*ck**s (I use that term in the most loving manner, lol) waits weeks at a time to email me (at one point it was a month between emails) and then when I do get emails I get infuriated!!!!

So his email says that he wants to take the laptop with him on his next deployment because "it sucks writing emails on his psp." Really? THEY HAVE COMPUTERS ON THE SHIP. Email me from your ship email doofus. That laptop is MY LIFELINE and he wants to take it away!!!!

Okay I'm going to back up for a minute. Right before J left I decided I wanted to go back to school but I tried that whole sitting in school thing and I hated it so I decided to do classes online. Although we do have computers, a desk top and a laptop, I like being able to have the laptop because it gives me the choice of traveling to see my family if I want (when I went back to Texas and OKC for the month I had classes to do part of the time and I wouldn't have been able to go home if it weren't for the laptop).

SO, him taking the laptop would mean I would be STUCK in the apartment for SEVEN MONTHS and my baby sister is graduating like a month after he would leave so I HAVE to be able to leave Florida.

Now poor J doesn't realize this. He's even offering to fix my desktop (it's crappy and it runs slows and freezes on me a lot) up so I can actually use it. So then why was I in tears when I read his email? I just feel like I am sacrificing so much this deployment and it's just another sacrifice he's asking of me, whether he realizes it or not. Now I haven't told him this, because my email wouldn't have been pretty. But if he wants to take the laptop he better buy me a new one!!!