Trying not to get my hopes up

Okay so I REALLY need some help...I have taken some tests lately and I need help decifering them. Okay the first picture is two HPTS and an OPK. The OPK definitely had a visible pink line, but it wasn't a positive in OPK standards. The HPTs look like they have a line to me, but I just can't tell.

I'm only on CD 26, and my signs show that I probably ovulated on either CD 16 or 17 (I didn't temp this cycle. So I'm probably 9 or 10 DPO, so I know it's really early. I tested today thought because my LP is fairly short, it was only 11 days last cycle. So I guess I'm going to test in a few days if AF doesn't come in the next few days. So tell me if I'm imagining the lines on the HPTs...lol I'm sure my brain is starting to form them every where I look!!

***update***

Okay I've been obsessively staring at the actual tests ALL night and I've decided that I have FOUR evap lines. Ugh...but I'm not giving up hope yet because I'm only 9 or 10 DPO. So I'll be testing again in a few days

Getting a cat

The other day I came home from work and there was a cat near our stairs so I called it over to me so I could pet it. It was such a cute cat and it was really skinny so I gave it some of the chicken sandwich I had brought home work. I wanted to bring it home with me, but I knew better.

Okay, side tracking real quick. I have a funny story:

When I was a senior in high school I had this boyfriend in the Air Force. He was a very loving man and he treated me like a princess. I had expressed the fact that I wanted a cat (my dad hates cats and wouldn't let me have one), so one day he found this really cute kitten in the bushes and brought it back to his apartment for me. The cat was adorable and we named her Spazi. We had this cat for a few weeks and then we got RING WORM. My poor boyfriend had 60-70 spots on his body because he let the dang cat sleep with him. We had to rub athlete's foot medication on them (ring worm is the same kind of bacteria) and then my dad heard you can put bleach on the spots and it will kill the bacteria. Well, my family had gone camping and I had one on my upper lip so my dad bleached it. The smell of bleach is gross as it is but when it's right under your nose it's especially awful. We definitely learned our lesson: never bring home a stray animal without getting it checked out first.

So after I interacted with this cat I decided that I wanted to get a cat. I love cats. We had a cat when we lived in Texas, but we had to get rid of her. She would have never made the drive with the dogs and she doesn't do well with change and I just didn't want to put her through that. Thankfully she's with this really sweet old lady now and she's the queen of the house. Anyways, I asked J if we could get a new cat and he said yes!! We agreed that we're going to try to adopt a kitten from the pound. Now normally I would try to get a full grown cat because everyone wants kittens, but we want the cat to grow up with the dogs so it's not terrified of them. So hopefully in July (we need to get caught up on bills before we get another animal) I'll be getting a new kitty!!

My Quirks

When I sit and think about myself I realize I'm a very quirky person. I've decided to write a list of things that make me "special" that people may not realize. So here it is:

1. I have a fear of being in large crowds, especially if I end up being touched by people I don't know. It gives me the willies.
2. I have a hard time leaving the house. I have to be in the right mood to be able to go somewhere. Oftentimes I get anxiety attacks, especially if I'm going somewhere I'm not familiar with. I think that if I don't get help I will eventually become an agoraphobic, but I'm too stubborn to get help.
3. I hate holding babies. It's really funny considering I so desperately want a baby of my own. I'm always scared that I'm going to do something wrong and hurt the baby. Hopefully it will be different when I have my own child.
4. I have given up on the idea of ever having my own child. I believe that God wants me to adopt. J and I decided that we'll adopt in a few years if I don't get pregnant so I'm just riding out the time.
5. I'm a very picky eater, but not because of the way food TASTES. I have a big thing about textures and if it doesn't feel right in my mouth it makes me gag and I can't eat it.
6. When I was younger I wanted to be a chef. I wanted to work a cruise ship so that way I could travel.
   
7. I have a problem talking on the phone with people I don't know. I dread having to call to make doctor's appointments, having to call customer support (I had to do this a lot at Lowe's), and calling for food. I make J call whenever we get food delivered and if he's not home I eat pizza because I can order it off the internet.
8. When I was in high school the psychiatrist I was seeing diagnosed me as bipolar. I personally think he was a little of his rocker. I wonder if he had never met a really moody teenager with clinical depression...
9. I've always wanted to learn how to knit, but I'm too impatient to learn

Haylee

I haven't posted in a while (life is very BORING right now) so I thought I'd post some pictures of Haylee. I love showing off my beautiful niece :) She's going to be six months in a little less than two weeks...crazy how the time flies. Before we know it it's going to be December and she's going to be a year. Enjoy the pictures!!

Mickey Ds

I started my new job yesterday and let me tell you I was pretty nervous before I went in. I normally get nervous when I start a new job because I have to go through the process of meeting new people again, which I hate (I'm a very antisocial person). So not only was I nervous about being the "new person", I was nervous about not remembering how to do anything.

I worked at McDonalds back in high school. McDonalds was my first job EVER and I worked there for three years (the longest I've EVER held a job) and worked my way up to swing manager before I left. It's also been three years since I worked there.

Well let me tell you, I was nervous for nothing. I'm doing pretty good (there have been things I've had to get use to) and things are coming back as I go. It's just like riding a bike (I wonder if I can do that, it's been years since I've ridden one!!). The store manager was in there tonight and she told me as I walked back that she's been hearing good things about me (I haven't had the privilege of actually working with her yet). I looked at her and had to ask her to repeat herself just be sure...I'm glad that they're talking about me and it's GOOD things!!

I've had fun so far and I'm so glad to be out of the house, but ask me in a month and we'll see how I feel then :)

Light at the End of the Tunnel

You know I've done a lot of thinking about the whole TTC situation and here's what I've come up with. With military health insurance they do not cover ART procedures. They only cover fertility drugs (only for use with natural methods of conceiving) and any testing to figure out cause of infertility. My theory is, there is a chance that even when you go through fertility treatments there is still a chance you end up with no baby in the end. Because of this fact we have decided that instead of spending our money on something that may not work, if we cannot get pregnant with fertility drugs or on our own we are adopting. At least I will know that our efforts will end in with a child that way.

So since I wanted to be a mom by 25, if I'm not pregnant we will start the adoption process if we're not pregnant by the time I turn 25. I thought giving up on IUIs and IVFs would make me sad, but knowing there is eventually light at the end of the tunnel puts me at ease. It makes trying easier because I know if it doesn't work I will have a baby eventually.

My step mom told me when I found out it would be hard to conceive that maybe I was meant to be one of those people who is meant to be a mom to a child that wouldn't otherwise have one. That statement at the time pissed me off, but now I find truth in it, and even better I find comfort in it.

So that is our current plan (I did talk to J about what I thought and he agreed), so we'll see what happens next.

I'm BAAACK

Hey ladies!! I know I have been MIA for a while now, I'm such a bad blogger :) Things have been pretty uneventful here in Florida, lets see if I can get y'all caught back up:

• Having J back has been wonderful. I've already been through my first cycle, which was a bust...the only bad part about it was my LP was only 11 days, but I did ovulate which I was pretty excited about!!
• My friend had her baby while we were there. She is one of the few people that I wasn't jealous when they got pregnant because she has scarring on her ovaries so they told her it would be hard for her to get pregnant. So I couldn't help but be happy when I saw that beautiful baby boy!!
• We had a great time in Texas and Oklahoma. It rained the whole weekend we were in Oklahoma and we had to drug my dog (the gold one) because he's a puss and is scared of thunderstorms. I loved spending time with my niece. She's five months now and I got to feed her and bathe her, which is always fun :)
• I got a job today!! It's only at Mickey Ds, but hey money is money right?? The economy and job market in Jacksonville is CRAP so it was pretty much my only choice.

Well, I think that's about it!! I promise now that things are settled down and back to normal I'll be blogging more!!